My world is small and fairly insular, filled with people I love and who love me. It also consists of my small neighborhood in my larger city. This past week, we had my Grandpa and his wonderful lady Margaret here visiting. We did quite a bit of travelling around and went to the big smoke aka Vancouver twice. My Grandpa is 95 and is having some issues with his hip so walking can be a challenge. Anyway, I went to the train station in Vancouver to pick them up and in Vancouver and on the
ferrie home, I was asked many times "does this child have a mother?". Annie is a fast 2 1/2 year old and Grandpa walks slow so I was walking in between them. Yep, people thought Annie was a lost child.
Hmnnn.
Then, Shawn was visiting our garden (we have a plot in a community garden) and Annie was stung by a stinging nettle plant that our garden neighbor has let over grow. It is great for tea but feels like a bee sting that goes on for a while. Anyway, it is very painful and Annie cried very loudly
soooooo someone called the police. Yep, Shawn is now carrying Annie's identification so that he doesn't have to go through that again.
Oh and I was at a party and a young gal - in her twenties- told me she could understand what Annie was saying (she sounds like all the 2 year
olds I know who are talking) because there were so many Asians in her neighborhood. Yep, I was upset and this gal wouldn't leave me alone - she kept wanting to talk about Annie's
Asianess and how I as her mother wasn't as in tune to her because I am a white
blonde woman. Our hosts are very close friends of ours and when I told them what was going on, they were upset too. We left there fairly quickly but luckily that woman isn't around very much.
I have also heard comments like"Chin.
aman" , "she's so bright but
Orie.
ntals are" and other comments that I wouldn't want to repeat. Some of these things were said with the best of intentions but how can all the people in Asia be brilliant? Please explain this to me. As well, if the "orientals" in your building like to shop and dress well, why does that mean Annie will?
So racism is starting to rear its head and in the small world I have created around me, it really hasn't. Annie is Chinese, her first parents were Chinese, her first caregivers were Chinese so yes, she looks Asian and has many wonderful attributes that we can only surmise come from her first parents and/or her caregivers influence. However, I need to start REALLY educating myself on how we as a family need to deal with this. Shawn has seen his fair share of racism and he has valuable lessons and stories to share but I want to be able to give Annie (and us) the tools to deal with these comments without internalizing them. I have dealt with the ugly or surprised looks from passers by on the road, I have dealt with the much older generation and their embedded prejudices through conversation and enlightenment but this past week has really shown me what the outside world has in store for us.
Here are my thoughts:
1. An open dialogue in our family about racism
2. discussion of our feelings when situations arise
3. story books for Annie where people are different but the same
4. we need to prepare responses to people
Any more ideas or books that would be helpful?
Cheers,
Kristine
